i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
