his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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