God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
