I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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