Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
