I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
