i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
