i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
