dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then my night got REAL pukey
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
