Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
