I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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