I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
