I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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