Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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