6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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