I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
