it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And then my night got REAL pukey
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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