The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My dick has a subreddit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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