If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize