Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
