tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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