apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
