Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
