Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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