we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
