listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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