The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
