I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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