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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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