So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
