There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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