I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
