some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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