Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
