fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
