i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
