We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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