I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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