i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
