Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
high people should be assigned attendants
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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