I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize