Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
