Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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