Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Randomize
