you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
