it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
