I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
