Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I FOUND THE LEGS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
