Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
