I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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