? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
