Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
