Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
