You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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