remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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