you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
