My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
