your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
