I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
