I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize