WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
