i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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