So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
