she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
