I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
