What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
