Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
