I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
