In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
