In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
