I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
