Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
