Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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