Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
