all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
