i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
