bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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