i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
