Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thus making me awesome and them whores
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
