John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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