I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
