...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No...this little piggys going to the bar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
