how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
