Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
