I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
