My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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