The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
