you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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