Someone shit on the floor
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
