1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize