I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
