If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
