I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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