We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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