it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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