i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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