Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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